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Calem West and the issue of Male Machismo

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Calem West and the issue of Male Machismo
Twitter
For a while now, I’ve been interested in writing about YouTube personalities that may have an impact on LGBT youth of color. The gravity of these personalities vary, ranging from high impact to very minimal impact; however, the impact is certainly there. Last post I discussed my views on BrotherHoodTV, inquiring about their whereabouts since they haven’t produced any more videos since 2012.

Well, it seems there’s another YouTuber who hasn’t posted in a while**, although you may find more of his recent work posted under his Twitter and Instagram accounts. This character is interesting because his intentions of showcasing exercises which focus on sculpting a person’s posterior, and I must add, quite an impressive posterior he has himself, his hard work is overshadowed by his need to be masked while doing these exercises.

Now, you wouldn’t think that showcasing exercises to build strong, meaty, perky glutes would be a big deal. I mean, you have a lot of celebrities and fitness gurus jumping on the booty workout train, male or female. So, when it comes to this particular young, black, and fit YouTuber, why does he hide behind a mask? Is it because he is a male who likes doing exercises to make his butt high and tight? He goes by the name Calem West, and I feel that maybe his mask and male machismo go hand in hand.

Calem West started showing up around various websites sometime last year. Honestly, I caught wind of Mr. West through sites that usually promote more sexually explicit content, such as MyVidster or the freakier side of Tumblr. So, for those reasons, I can understand wanting to hide behind a mask; however, his content from what I can tell, originates from YouTube, where his first vids show him masked. So from what I gather, he went into this situation with enough uneasiness, perhaps, not to be open. Whatever his reason for being masked is his reason, and his reason only. The focus is on the fact that he may feel he needs to wear one to protect his masculinity.

It makes me wonder how firm a grip masculinity holds on us as men when we can’t even be proud to workout every part of our body without feeling a certain kind of way as to how we are perceived. If Calem were to have a YouTube channel that only focused on building strong arms, a firm chest, and a tight core, would he still be masked? Could it be that it is too emasculating for a male to enjoy building a perfect butt? This is just my opinion, but maybe producing videos about his butt workouts is not manly enough, which warrants him a mask, and honestly, the mask is not even that great. It was pointed out to me that Calem's particular type of mask is often worn by NBA players as a form of protection, but does Calem need that much face protection if he's only doing squats? He's protecting more than his face, it seems.

To wrap this thing up, I feel that Calem West is doing great work; you can see that in the comments viewers leave. Yes, he has his lecherous, thirsty followers that idolize his ass, but for the most part, men and women respect the dude for illustrating great exercises. I can't speak for Mr. West and his comfort level, but at the end of the day, if this is what it takes for him to help others, more power to him. Unfortunately, I feel that the way we view masculinity in today's society has possibly affected Calem's ability to be more open in helping people without the need to be masked. There's no need to mask what you may feel isn't masculine, if that's how you feel. You're doing a great job, dude. A lot people look up to you, Calem. Again, these are just my thoughts and opinions.

What are your thoughts?

**At the time I wrote this piece, Calem hadn't uploaded a vid in 3 months. After checking his page, it shows that he has uploaded a new vid as of 6/25/14**

No one's checking for Bama Boi Blues? Aight.

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No one's checking for Bama Boi Blues? Aight.
Flickr

It's early in the morning, and I'm wide awake because I've been suffering from insomnia terribly. Most of my days are spent lying on my couch in pure depression, watching "Let's Play" vids on YouTube of games I do not own, played on systems I also do not own. As I lie on my couch with my Lasko fan doing it's best to keep me cool, all I think about is how these popular white dudes make money playing video games.

Bullshit.

I spend my time watching the sun come up then sunset, while I slowly lose faith in all my plans to write, make money, and be the happiest Bama I can be. Shit's not working. Nothing's working. So, I try to seek refuge in writing posts on this blog, hoping to spark dialogue, and I get no responses. I then feel like I need to produce more "creative" content, writing about shit that somewhat captures my attention...again, I have no money to make, and my funds are declining.

Basically, I've been on a 6 month vacation because nothing I've tried to produce is reaping any benefits. Social networking isn't working for me, trying to be consistent with blogging doesn't seem to help, and trying to keep up with the latest news within the community is becoming more and more of a painstaking task. Yeah, this is what's going on. And silly me to think that after almost 4 years of blogging here, I'd get more support, but nope.

Maybe venting will allow me some room to be creative in hustling. I don't know what to give, and I feel like I'm reaching rock bottom. But I still have a place to stay and food to eat, a family that loves me, as well and friends, and a loving guy who often makes it hard to love em from time to time, but he may feel the same way about me. At this point, I don't care about much, not even myself, but I try to hold on to what little believe I have left that I can make it.

If not, I'll go back to pursuing an unfulfilling  9-5 just to pay bills and rent. If no one's checking for me or this blog, all I can say is "Aight."

Male Body Shaming: Prince Fielder

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Male Body Shaming: Prince Fielder


I'm so sick of assholes who try to body shame someone just because they don't fit a certain physical profile. Not every person is meant to be a certain size. As long as that person is healthy, why the fuck do you care if a guy has a little extra love around the middle? Baseball player, Prince Fielder, has come under attack because he was featured in ESPN's 2014 Body Issue, and apparently, some folk had issues with Fielder's body.

You can check out some of those dumb comments in Huff Post's article below:

Twitter Rallies Against Critics Body Shaming Prince Fielder's ESPN Cover

What's also interesting about the article is that it also points out other athletes who have had their bodies criticized, and they all have something in common - they are people of color; however, for the sake of this piece not being long, I'll focus on the criticism of Fielder's strong body. A very nice body. Check the pic below:

Male Body Shaming: Prince Fielder
ESPN  
He's in good physical condition, otherwise he probably wouldn't be the professional athlete that he is. He has a stomach, and more than likely, it's solid as a rock, and even if it wasn't, it doesn't make him less of a baseball player. Yet if a white, middle-aged wrestler were to be featured, it'd be different? Males face body image issues as well, especially gay men because apparently, a lot of homosexuals live in a fantasy realm where the porn star image is key to being accepted and thought of as sexy.

I was once that dude who didn't like to wear tanks outside without wearing a t-shirt over it. I was once that dude who didn't like for people to sit to close to me, where their hands might accidentally touch my stomach. It wasn't until I got older and realized  how incredibly attractive I was as a stocky dude, and that there are many people out there that want a total package and not just body-oddy-oddy. 

I blame porn and hookup sites where racial and body discrimination reign supreme. This is why you have guys who spend so many hours in the gym, not because they love it, which many do, but low-key, it's because we are told muscles are manly and a swimmer's build is what makes us sexy. I don't buy it. As long as I'm healthy, and I'm good. I love Prince Fielder's body. He loves his body. He's worked hard on it, and it shows. 

ESPN, Thank you! 

The low down on the down low

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Man, I miss the Holla Back Message board from http://www.playboireview.com/hollaback/ that housed such valuable information and discussion. I discussed it a while back in this post. As mentioned in the previous post, the Holla back message board was used as a means for me to introduce myself to what was called the "lifestyle" at the time. There was valuable information to be learned, and one of the things I learned early on about myself was that I was not "down low" as I first thought. From there, I knew I was just a closeted gay male. However, that doesn't stop a lot of these kats from using the term in different ways. So, let me "learns" ya right quick.

via Way Back Machine

I'm afraid that the term "Down Low" is being used quite loosely nowadays with many, especially my young dudes, not understanding what it means.

As I've matured, I've seen and heard the term used in place of actual terms to rationalize one's sexual preference. I was 17 when I first heard of men being on the "DL." Until then, from what I read prior to hearing "down low", "MSM" (men who have sex with men) was the simplest way of describing straight identifying men who slept with other men discretely. Due to a popular book written by J.L. King coining the term "down low" in his 2004 book,  On the Down Low: A Journey Into the Lives of Straight Black Men Who Sleep with Men, and his infamous appearance on Oprah, the "DL lifestyle expose'" phenomenon caught on through media. Then the term's use began to rotate heavily on gay social networking sites.

Looking over how the term is used nowadays, I just shake my head; however, maybe the term itself has evolved just like any term apart of our lexicon. It's still heavily used within the African American male community, straight or gay. For straight guys, it's just means to keep things quiet while you're creeping on your partner, but in this case, creeping on your woman with another woman, and in the other case with straight identifying bisexual men, creeping on your woman with another dude, and the list goes on. It's even popularized in R. Kelly songs and E. Lynn Harris novels.

Several, several blogs ago, I discussed my early research and development in understanding my attraction to other men. For a sexually confused, awkward 17 year old, I had nowhere to turn for guidance and understanding of why I felt the way I felt. Compared to the vast amount info currently out there for struggling sexually confused youths to gain knowledge about their feelings, all I had was porno sites and forums to help me get an idea of what to expect with my hidden desires. One thing I knew for myself is that I could pretend that I was interested in women, but deep down, my interests lied solely for the male gaze. I could choose to live with lies and disillusion, or I could embrace what made me feel right. I wasn't on the down low in the way J. L. King described it in his books, and the Holla Back Message Board helped me with that. Their information was extensive with breakdowns and personal stories, which I read religiously late at night, every night as a youth.

I wish I could just link you all to those discussions, but the entire site no longer exists, and unfortunately, the Way Back Machine can only work so much magic to past websites. It's not much, but I've made a crappy breakdown of what it means to identify as one of the following:


Down low: Self-identifying straight male who is in a relationship with an unsuspecting female, while sleeping with men on the side discretely. He wants to be perceived as straight, and only straight, even when he is with other men. You see this used in many profile intros of gay sites where dudes have FACE pics for some odd reason. Dudes who are really discrete have private pics or no pics whatsoever. If a guy claims that he's "on the low" but he has a face pic that's actually his for everyone on the site and Google crawlers to find, then he's not DL. You'll probably find more DL guys on Craigslist. ALSO, down low men doesn't mean just African American men. White men are especially down low if not more down low than black men, it's just that because J. L. King, a black man, wrote a book about other black men, went on Oprah to help purport the image that only black men are down low, this is why the term is used to only identify or single out other black men or people of color. This is the reason we used to hear that mostly down low black men was the main cause of black women contracting HIV. So, the set up for black gay men, outside of the DL scope, to be a major scapegoat in a lot of mess has been extensive. Women can also be on the down low as well; however, it is not widely discussed as much OR the term, once again, is attributed to only African American men.

Bisexual: Self-Identifying Bisexual male who dates both men and women, monogamously or polyamorously. Partners may or may not know about one another. It's at male's discretion to disclose his sexual identity. He's different from a DL male because he has acknowledge and accepted that he is attracted to both sexes. The issue he faces focuses more on disclosure, perhaps. If he is dating both sexes at the same time, he may or may not let a certain person or both persons know that he's bi.

Closet bisexual: Dates women in the open and men behind clothes doors and vice versa. Could possibly be perceived as DL; however, he accepts his bisexuality, he's just not open about it. So, he may be an out bisexual to a male he's dating; however, he's not fully out to most of the females he dates, and vice versa.

Closet Homosexual: Gay male that's not out. Now, he may put on the act that he is straight, although he may not engage in sexual activities with the opposite sex. He is not attracted to the opposite sex whatsoever, and he's never been sexually involved with a person of the opposite sex >>> This was me then

Out: Openly Gay to friends and fam that matters most >>> This is me now

Yes, this list is short and doesn't even touch other sexual identities. I encourage you to identify yourself beyond terms because sometimes what we settle for in relation to our identity may be completely wrong, and it may hurt you more than help you. I wished forums like the HBMB still existed because I would be all for it, still asking questions and chatting with others to this day. May breakdown may not be much, but it may be something to others. Everything is worth revisiting.

Sierra Mannie's article got me thinking

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So, I was sitting here working on an article for my other blog - I desperately need followers and revenue, so I'm trying to do the best I can with content.

The article is about Sierra Mannie's now infamous Time Mag entry about white gay men appropriating black women culture. The opinions and counter critiques to her original piece are too much to handle and read in one sitting, but I tried my best giving some a quick scan. To me, it just seems like a good chunk of white gay men felt attacked because they were called out for behavior that is and can be seen as offensive to black women. I also so a lot of derailment to her original subject, claiming that her hetero-normative, cisgender views are detrimental to trans-women; however, I didn't see it that way.

Sierra Mannie's article got me thinking
Read Sierra's Mannie's article here
What I'm learning about my culture as a gay African American cisgender male is that every aspect of my culture is pieced together and clashes like a mother-fucker. At the end of it all, a few things still whole true - I'm male and I'm black. I will never have the privileges of my white counterparts, whether my counterparts choose to acknowledge it or not. I also will never face half the issues black women face on a day to day basis because of my sex. Even as a gay male, not only will I face homophobia, but I will also face racism. Black women have to face sexism and racism (both systematic), misogyny, homophobia if a lesbian, and transphobia if an African American trans woman.

We do not know what Sierra Mannie has truly experienced when it comes to this subject, but we can only assume she has had experience. We cannot invalidate her opinion if the majority of it is factual because we (and I speak predominantly from my experience, and that of my friends, and family) have seen it and been through it. Cultural Appropriation is a pain in the ass, especially if  the culture being appropriated was stitched, invented, established, raped, and then reclaimed to form some sort of identity in a society that didn't want to acknowledge us as human in the first place. But no one's checking for me. Our language and culture is still coded, it seems.

Obviously, there is an identifiable culture for African American women; however, that culture is often stereo-typed, caricatured, and bastardized by men, straight and gay, black or white, for laughs. But out of the two, one can at least identify with the black experience, the other can only take what it sees, doing it's best impression to further play into Mannie's essay. Either way, the dialogue is needed.

More sex talk

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I look over my most popular post, then the second most popular post to follow, and I realize that if I put the words "gay sex" and "penis". However, I've also talked about sexual revolutions and porn hoarding with no luck of getting reads, so maybe sex talk isn't the problem. It's consistency.

So, instead of waiting for well-thought post to show up, I'll just keep blogging whatever the hell comes to mind. Shouldn't even be a need to search for pics to put up for posts like this. A few good things:


  1. Haven't had a case of insomnia for about 2 weeks.
  2. My bills and rent are paid.
  3. My relationship is pretty steady, but we need more sex.
  4. Depression has let up quite a bit
Not much, but it's something. I still need to get out and network more, but I'm an introvert; however, I really need to network so people will know what I'm all about. My hustler mentality is not up to par with the other ATLiens constantly trying to make a connection and a dollar. 

I did hit up Freshalina over from her site www.Crunktastical.net to see if she could coach me up...she put it out on Twitter that she offers blog coaching, something I wish I didn't need, but apparently I do. I've been working this blog for 4 years, and I'd like to have a better platform for the things I write. Anyways, I'm sure money will be involved. I just hope I don't regret it, feeling like it's a complete waste.

We honestly both started blogging around the same time, about 9 years ago. I could have been a part of that group of bloggers, but I chose school and work, while trying to figure out my sexuality. So, now, as time has passed, I'm now trying to make this blog and my other blog out of something. Corporate American isn't for me at all. Don't want to go back, but where am I heading now?

Bama Boi Blues, the journey for penis, posts, money, hustling, sex talks, African American LGBT outreach, and cheesecake continues. 

We Need Mentors - Bama Boi Blues

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We Need Mentors - Bama Boi Blues


I still think of myself as a youngin with a lot to learn about marketing myself to the masses as a decent writer, thinker, speaker, and partner. I know I have the skills to pull whatever needs to be done on the Internet and beyond, but as much as I'd like to think I know everything, I'm missing a few key pieces to my life goal puzzle. But, it's just not business I'm looking to be better acquainted and possibly coached in doing. My young, gay, black self would like to be mentored into being a better person.

From what I've seen over time, young black men are rarely mentored in the first place, and that in itself is a lot to handle in this screwed up society. To add the homosexual scope of things into the mix is to add another plate viddles of to digest when you're still working on your first meal. Not everything that is homosexuality can be switched out as an alternative to the heteronormative gaze, and I think a lot of same gender lovers don't want it be anyway. We're not a modified version of an exercise done in your living room to meet your comfort level.

When I was younger, I spent a few years searching for a friend that could help me navigate my way through the "gay lifestyle" all while figuring out my place in the mix; however, looking back on my quest to find that special friend, all I basically wanted was a mentor - someone who's been there, done that, snatched up a sandwich baggy of lube samples and over-sized condoms, along with the battle scars to prove it. Seriously, I wasn't looking for a sex partner to teach me freaky things. I wholeheartedly wanted the guidance I felt I couldn't get from my parents, teachers, preachers, and childhood friends because they wouldn't fully understand, or at least, not bother to help. Again, this is how I felt at age 18. Even when I took to Yahoo to talk to chat buddies, I got insight, but then I got schooled in how to torrent porn. So, make whatever you will out of that.

Even as I've matured, I tried to snag a mentor about a year ago. I knew it wasn't going anywhere after our first conversation. Firstly, although he expressed great interest in mentoring me, he called me from a private number, so I had no other way to communicate with him except through Twitter. Secondly, he gave me advice on a few things I already knew, and although he told me he'd keep in touch, he never did. I could probably attribute his lack of help to his blog schedule, but in my opinion, if you really want to make time for someone to help, you will find the time. What got me, though, is that he's a popular, award-winning, African American LGBT blogger who focuses on sports and politics, and I looked up to him since my early years, and in one phone call, I don't feel that same way anymore. I still read his blog, though.

We Need Mentors - Bama Boi Blues
To be clear, I wasn't and I'm not looking for handouts and freebies; I just wanted advice, shared stories of past experiences, honesty, and motivational support, but I guess it can be considered a freebie because some people need to see green before they become sincerely interested.

Yeah, I've been burned by potential mentors that took a quick look at me, chatted for minute, then moved on, so I kind of felt like I was either not trying hard enough or not worthy. But fuck 'em, as my mom would say. Like, my old college adviser, a white lesbian, chunked the deuces at me once she quit her job with no interest to continue discussion goals and sexuality...but why would I expect anything different from someone who doesn't share the same identity - yeah, we're both gay, but our bass lines don't match (culture).

I may never get the mentorship I've desired for many years. Years have past, and I've gotten older with a chunk of experience under my belt, and I guess the lack of help made me better to grow. But I still feel a light shade of green in some spots. I can only hope that I haven't thrown a cold shoulder to any who have sought me out for help because I want to do for those the things that weren't afforded to me - mentor to the best of my ability, hoping that what little I do have to offer, makes for better people. I'm still searching for a mentor on all fronts - business, relationship management, mental health awareness, and being the most awesome gay black man the world has ever known.

To you established gay men, there are young men out here looking for the very things I've written - nothing more and nothing less. Lend an ear to them because they look up to you. We need more mentors, man.

Why BALLROOMTHROWBACKS is Important

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Why BALLROOMTHROWBACKS is important
Tumblr
One should never have to question whether or not Paris still burns. Yes, it does. It burns with a fire fueled by eleganza, passion, and beat drops to get the children out of their seats and on to the ballroom floor. The golden age of ballroom culture may no longer exist as depicted in the 1990 cult documentary; however, the fire is still fueled by young visionaries and videographers on the YouTube channel BALLROOMTHROWBACKS, and in my opinion, this YouTube channel is important to our culture and community!

Via BALLROOMTHROWBACKS YouTube page description:
BALLROOM THROWBACKS ONE OF THE GATEWAYS TO THE UNDERGROUND BALLROOM CULTURE. A PLACE WHERE SO MUCH TALENT AND MAGIC EXISTS THAT HAS INFLUENCED MAINSTREAM CULTURE FOR YEARS.

Led by vlogger, videographer, and often host, Caesar Will, his YouTube channel has garnered over 22,000 subscribers since the channel's inception back in March of 2009, not to mention the continuous uploads which add to the already large list of videos currently available - over 11,000 videos to be exact. BRTB is a growing collection of ballroom history at your fingertips, and there's a lot to see.

Not only does Ballroom Throwbacks include clips of epic vogue battles, Caesar has made it his mission to touch every aspect of ballroom culture with personal interviews featuring many ballroom legends, stars, and statements. Caesar was even able to nab an up close and personal interview with the now well-known Ms. TS Madison, which allowed her to share her stories and opinions freely, giving the viewer a chance to see the person behind the personality. Again, this is just a slither of why BRTB is important.


Why BALLROOMTHROWBACKS is important
Ballroom Throwbacks Tumblr

From throwback vids showcasing our fallen brothers and sisters at their best to current videos featuring open discussions about issues affecting us within LGBTQ community, specifically giving voice to our Transgendered brothers and sisters, BRTB is important for this very reason. Some of us may never have the opportunity to travel to the epicenter of ballroom culture, New York. Some of us are too afraid to embrace our inner selves and lack that gateway to another world to take out the aggression that the world has instilled in us, or live the grand fantasy we see in our minds because we lack the support and encouragement. 

Thanks to Caesar, his friends, family, and supporters, BallroomThrowbacks is brought to a wider audience who may be looking to identify with a crowd that's often looked over in the news media, but culture is heavily borrowed, damn near stolen from. Most importantly BallroomThrowbacks lends a voice to the Transgendered community, a community whose voice is often muted due to murders and hate. I've been following the channel since I was 20, which helped me to delve deeper into understanding my sexual identity, along with identity of others. BRTB helped me to understand how diverse our community is, and that there are many of out there looking to achieve a common goal in life... fabulous happiness.

For those reasons, BALLROOMTHROWBACKS, I salute you! It would take several posts to even discuss every bit of why BRTB is important, but I leave you to check out the channel and decide for yourself. Check out Caesar's video explaining what BRTB is all about.



Already familiar with BALLROOMTHROWBACKS? Sound off in the Comments Section!

Musings 8 - Worst Themes in Gay Movies

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Musings 8 - Worst Themes in Gay Movies

Listen, I love a good Gay Themed movie just like any other gay guy looking to find awesome representations of himself in the media; however, there comes a time in a film where I have to sadly shake my head at the general themes or cliches that come too often in the movies I watch. 

Call them cliche', call them tired, or call them whatever you want; I just want writers and directors to call it quits with some of these themes. Now, some themes are just part of the story, I understand that, but after a while, these themes become all too predictable and formulaic. In my opinion, some of these themes or cliches are overused and overexposed, and often make the films hard to watch or altogether boring - that's when you add a bunch of male nudity to balance it out - sigh.

The following is a list of some of the worst themes in gay movies that I've come across so far. These themes don't necessarily make the entire film bad, even though there are some baaaaaaad films, but it does make me roll my eyes while questioning my life choices. Again, these are just my opinions, along with a few screen shots from various films, in no particular order. 




1. We need more people

Musings 8 - Worst Themes in Gay Movies

Basically, I've seen this in a few movies where a couple, bored with their sex lives, tries to spice things up by either adding more people to the mix by way of an orgy, usually a threesome, OR just by opening the relationship altogether. We get it, you want to make the movie edgier and racier, but at the expense of having at least ONE couple that is genuinely fine with being in a monogamous relationship? I'm not sure why the general consensus in every script is to bring up threesomes to try and fix broken relationships. My thinking is if you can't make it work with two people, why the hell add a third? Often times, the couple realizes that the extra body doesn't compare to the love they share with each other, but that's usually during or after the threesome is over. 

2. The "other" Woman

Musings 8 - Worst Themes in Gay Movies

In this case, it's usually an unsuspecting girlfriend, homely wife, or the bestie who secretly still pines for the protagonist from her high school days, wishing he will slip over to the straight side - some try to justify the gay guy's down low festivities by making her a big ol' nag, a bitch, or just so sweet you can only hope she finds a straight counterpart to ease her pain. I think the allure or appeal of cheating on the wife/girlfriend with another man has pretty much been beat to death with a rusty pipe. Besides, I'd like to actually see a heteronormative identifying couple where the guy is obviously struggling with his sexuality, and SURPRISE, the girlfriend or wife actually brings it up and discusses it? Stop making women look stupid. She knows he's gay! Unrealistic, I know.

3. "But I'm Straight, though"

Musings 8 - Worst Themes in Gay Movies


This theme pisses me off the most because it's mostly based on one movie that I still hate to this day - can you guess by the screen cap? Your premise is this, "I think I'm straight, but I want to try gay sex just to make sure that I still like vagina only." It's pretty much the premise for all "Gay 4 Pay" porn sites, painfully forced with no enthusiasm or desire to please the crowd - minus the Viagra and gay sex. . . but cinema style.

4. Simulated Gay Sex

Musings 8 - Worst Themes in Gay Movies


Not really a theme, unless you count it as part of the gratuitous male nudity theme of just about every movie that will allow it , but it seems that simulated gay sex is not competing well with simulated hetero sex. I have yet to really feel the gay sex magic in a sex scene. One scene that bothers me in particular is the sex scene in Brokeback Mountain  - Who does that? Either Ennis' (Heath Ledger) spit is the Pjur of saliva OR Jack's (Jake Gyllenhaal) anal skills are quite advanced. Either way, enough with these screwy depictions of gay sex. Matter of fact, why not depict other forms of male sexual stimulation like frottage, but that'd probably still fall under what's next.

5. Gratuitous Male Nudity/Borderline Porn

Musings 8 - Worst Themes in Gay Movies

Admit it, a good chunk of us scroll through our Netflix queue late at night hoping to find some porn in some shape, form, or fashion. Sometimes you're just too lazy to get up and search for porn online or on your phone; you want that cozy feeling, I get it. But listen here, I think there's enough porn out there with loads of nude guys to fit your fancy. I'm the last one to get mad at looking at full frontal nude men because the world needs more of it - Thanks HBO; however, sometimes I think lots of nudity, and even simulated sex, is used to hold the viewers attention long enough to get through the movie. 


Musings 8 - Worst Themes in Gay Movies


Nowadays, when I think of a gay themed movie, I expect to see some butts scuttering across the screen, and if you're lucky, you might even see a money shot - I'm talking about you, Stranger by the Lake -, but it's not enough or it's often unnecessary. I like my porn, and I do hope one day that there's a good cross between great writing and porno, but don't try to be the one to make it happen. I may be picky in this, but a great gay themed movie doesn't have to have full frontal or fucking every 20 minutes.


6. Clubs and Drugs

Musings 8 - Worst Themes in Gay Movies


Usually, if there's a movie about a group of gay guys, there's a club, and where there's a club, there's drugs - lots and lots of drugs. Seriously, gay men can't cluster anywhere outside of smoky area filled with hot-bodied men looking for some drugs and ass? Beside drink specials, coke, x, and Molly are also on the menu, followed by a raunchy tryst in a dirty restroom. I'm not here for it. I'm still waiting on a movie where a bunch of gay guys sit around the table, playing Spades and throwing shade, but that's just my dream.

7. I want that Daddy Love

Musings 8 - Worst Themes in Gay Movies


Don't get me wrong, I likes me men like I likes me Jack Daniels - you know this - but in Gay Themed movies it seems that this obsession with a silver fox is just too much. When a guy in a movie sees a muscular older gentlemen, he just goes ape shit crazy for 'em. Like, he gets all in his feelings and shit when his mature object of interest is a big ol' whore, but the younger dude pretty much knows this, but still feels he can throw enough temper tantrums until the older guy realizes that the love of his life has been the young buck all of this time. Think of it like this, take every Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor moment from QAF and put it in a movie.

8. Lust at first sight


Musings 8 - Worst Themes in Gay Movies

Question: Does every gay movie have to start off with this sort of story line? Guy sees guy at a club, they lock eyes, and then sex, or the pursuit of sex, ensues, thus beginning the movie. There are so many other ways to start off a movie, in my opinion. Unfortunately, this theme seems to be the standard starting point of most gay themed movies if not the entire theme of a gay movie. I guess if a writer can't think of any other goal of a movie, the quest for sex is tried and true...I guess.

9. Too much camp!

Musings 8 - Worst Themes in Gay Movies

To me, camp equals every gay cliche' and stereotype under the sun. Sure, camp works in gay comedies, but too much of it can ruin the entire viewing experience. It can go from a cute little parody and turn into a painful craft project full of EVERY gay theme mentioned above. I'm here for satirical social commentary on gay life, but again, it becomes formulaic in its approach with no sense of direction. Even in more serious films, camp tends to creep in there somehow just to remind the viewer that although the feature is gay themed, it's not gay enough until someone makes a joke about bears, fisting, butt plugs, twinks, glory holes . . .well, you get the picture. In fact, just look at the picture above. 

I can't list them all!

I know I haven't covered every theme or cliche' that I could think of for this list, but we all know there's more to add. Don't even get me started on the gay themes and cliche's seen on TV either; that can be a list on it's own, but will still feature a good chunk of what was mentioned here. Honestly, I want to see better, and I do need to step my viewing experience up. This doesn't necessarily mean the movies pictured above are horrible, even though a good chunk of them are, they just incorporate my observations based on my viewing experiences so far. 

My major gripe? I'd like to see more films depicting gay POC in situations that are not a part of the gay black film themes we have already come to know - down low story lines need to just stop! However, I understand that movies are drawn from reality in some form, but this isn't every gay males reality. I hope future directors and writers keep this mind, so that we can voice better stories showcasing the different experiences of gay men. 

Now you tell me, what are some of the worst themes  in Gay Movies you've seen so far? Sound Off in the Comments Section!

(picture sources - 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5a & 5b, 6, 7, 8, 9 - screen caps from personal collection)

How Else am I supposed to Feel?

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How Else am I supposed to Feel?


"I never thought that describing myself as an average, young, black, Southern male who just so happens to be gay would possess such severe layers that I've just begun to unfold since the inception of this blog."- Bama Boi (Kevin T.)

I knew I was on to something when I attempted to start a series of posts dissecting Id, Ego, and Superego in reference to growing up a black gay male in the South.

I'm BLACK

I'm GAY

I live in the SOUTH

If you don't understand the significance of why these three things have me feeling sick to my stomach right now, allow me to explain it to the best of my abilities. Check out more Tweets after the jump.









The above Tweets are just one part of the frustration, anger, and hurt I feel as a result of Mike Brown's murder. I honestly can't find a good article to accurately tell you what happened, but it's in the news; you know what's going on. Even if you don't know what's going on, history continually repeats itself over and over again. We saw it with Eric Garner; we saw it with Trayvon Martin; we saw it with Renisha McBride, and if you reach far enough in your thoughts and media, you remember Oscar Grant. I know you didn't forget Amadou Diallo. The history is there. The proof is visible now. You can't look away anymore.

Black bodies. Slain. Their reputation. Tarnished. We live in a day and age where we we can record injustice, post it to social media, and nothing is ever done. We are powerless.

I feel like I am nothing. I feel like I don't matter just because I'm black. I remember my friend posting a status on her Facebook profile that went along the lines of saying that everything about her is debated because she's a woman, she's black, and she's a lesbian, and she's right. And she has to deal with more shit because she's a woman. Our black bodies are just bodies - can be fetishized, can be appropriated, can and is criminalized - but they don't see us as more than that.

Of course we are not victims because we're not victimized. There's no such thing as white privilege and racism. What system do you speak of that's set up for POC to fail? All of this doesn't exist, yet we see it unfold every day. I'm angry. I hurt because I spent too much time ignoring these situations because I was so worried about being outed. Being a gay man was supposedly far worse than being black. It's a lie. It's always been a lie, and no one can tell me anything different. I know what I've experienced, and my experiences are valid.

I can be killed today just walking down the street for being black than leaving a gay club. I'll be racially profiled first before being harassed because I'm gay. Sitting here, I don't know if there's anything I can do or say to help. Another black youth dead, and many more will follow. I'm from the Heart of the Civil Rights, Birmingham, AL, and the things I'm seeing unfold in Furguson, MO is soul wrenching and draining.

The facts are everywhere. I could spend an entire blog giving you statistics about why my black skin is constantly in danger, and why my depression spans beyond coping with my sexuality. I've jumped those hurdles, but it just seems that I can't get over the hump of just being me. We've seen are leaders die just for trying, no matter how peaceful or militant, they still die.

I feel everything and nothing at the same time.

How else am I supposed to feel? How do you feel?


(Image Source: Tumblr)

Depression Diaries - Triggers, Anxiety, and Suicide

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Depression Diaries - Triggers, Anxiety, and Suicide
Depression is a real disorder, and I can't say that enough. I struggle with it every day. In fact, I've used this blog space to outwardly project my depression, so that I want keep it bottled up. Depression is unhealthy. Continuous negative thoughts will stop you in your tracks and keep you from living a productive life.

Sometimes you won't be able to eat, sleep, or socialize. Sometimes you'll eat too much, then sleep it off just to cope with your feelings. Either way, socializing will be difficult, but you'll try your best to put on a happy face just to keep your torment under wraps. Sometimes it's not enough, so suicide is often seen as the best way out.

Suicide is not a coward's way out. We see it as an end all to the constant negativity taking up space in our minds. We figure, if we fail to exist, the burdens brought on by our depression will cease to exist as well. Unfortunately, we feel that we are ultimately that burden. Because of this, many of us suffer with depression in silence, and that's just deadly. Based on my personal bouts with depression and suicide, I've come to realize that suicide is the final strategy to combat clinical depression.

I remember my old therapist describing depression as running from a vicious dog that only we could see. Suicide is the stopping point where the individual feels they can no longer run. Maybe that's what actor/comedienne, Robin Williams must have felt. Maybe that's what a lot of people who suffer from depression feel; I know I feel like that sometimes, but I deal with it as best as I can, hoping that I won't succumb to ending my life.  

You are not alone, and you shouldn't feel that you deserve any of the pain you feel. You don't deserve it. You do matter.

One of the ways I've helped myself with depression was by documenting any and every feeling I could think of during the "down phase" of clinical depression. It allowed me to pinpoint the trigger (cause of my depression), sort out the reasons behind them, and then try to cope with my feelings by adjusting accordingly. After the jump, you can find links to what I'm now calling my Depression Diaries. Whether it serves a purpose or not, I just want to leave my own struggles and thoughts on all things depression, emotional triggers, and suicide. Just know you are not alone, and I'm still here to share my stories with you. Don't give up!
You can also check out my MUSED Mag article "To Be Young, Gay, & Clinically Depressed."

Remember, you are not alone. You don't have to feel like you deserve to suffer. I gay through it every day, and it's a struggle, but life is worth living. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or know someone that may be suicidal, ACT IMMEDIATELY! Seek help from a mental health professional. 


You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Line @ 1-800-273-8255

(Photo by Magik Madzik)

Apparently, I'm a troll who capes for feminists using fake nigga outrage

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Hey there.

Last week was pretty heavy. I didn't write at all, even though I should've, and I was very much emotionally affected by everything concerning Mike Brown's murder. I found myself completely drained and bothered by all things social media, yet I couldn't help but continue scrolling down my timeline, only to be disappointed or annoyed by other people's thoughts and opinions.

So, as the week went on, extending to the weekend, I decided to shut down, but all before doing that, I found myself in a little Twitter mess, which served no purpose but to further understand that people are assholes, and that's okay.

Short version: I called a guy out for basically claiming words that weren't his own, by simply asking if he'd give the young woman he had stole the words from credit. His reply, "So?" I just told him if he's cool with handling things that way, okie doke. Next thing I know, a few of his followers came at me wrong, claiming I was trolling, I was caping for a feminist, I was a feminist, and I was not focusing on the real issue at hand with my fake nigga outrage. Oh, I was also told to kill myself. Cute.

How any of this had to do with the simple question of why he didn't give the woman credit is beyond me, but for those familiar with what I do already know that anything coming from my side of the track is nothing but genuine, so I tried not to give it too much mind; however, I did want someone to explain why or how I was trolling or being fake with outrage, none of which I actually was. Again, I really didn't get much reply accept for the young brotha that told me to kill myself. So, I had to use the block button, mostly because there was no point in engaging, and just in case the thought came for anyone to come at me with the harshness; I'm not here for it.

Was I wrong for asking a simple question, no. But, it is amazing how people, all of whom never met me, attempted to project what that they thought I was feeling unto me. I was neither angry or trolling or fake, yet, it just sounding quite nice and insulting to come at me in such a way. I was not caping for the young woman; however, his followers were quick to step to this man's defense with nothing but hate, but here's the kicker...

We're all supposed to be standing in solidarity for Mike Brown, yet delusion and hubris stood in a few people's way just to be known. I stand by my actions, and I'm sure they stand by theirs. At the end of it, my work speaks for itself, but it's sad and bothersome, I won't lie.

I do wish the guy and Inyanla Vanzant very much prayer for whatever they have planned for African American minds to absorb. I'd even caution you not to even listen out for any of it, says this trolling feminists with fake nigga outrage.

In other news, it's a new week, so I shall make the best of it.

Yahoo! Messenger Memoirs: Intro

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Yahoo! Messenger Memoirs
The next few posts will be a series of stories I've appropriately entitled "Yahoo! Messenger Memoirs" - genius, isn't it? Throughout some of my posts I mentioned that I learned a lot about dealing with homosexuality through the use of Yahoo! Messenger, chatting with different men who kinda  had that "been there, done that" attitude about their experiences. 

However, as I was persistent in getting as much info as possible, some of my chat mates took to me, and provided their personal stories about coming to terms with their sexuality. To this day, I still chat with some of these men, while others no longer occupy my buddy list. At any rate, each and everyone of them allowed me to see myself through their experiences.

To be real about it, the circumstance in which I made some of these Yahoo! buddies was a combined result consisting of boredom, loneliness, and horniness. I think that's pretty justifiable since I've already talked about that in one of my past posts. Through it all, I've chatted with many guys since the age of 18, and now at the age of 27, I can say that those conversations played a part in my young gay life somehow.

These chat buddies became my connection to a world unknown to me at the time. In particular, there are approximately 8 men who stand out the most, so each post will discuss each chat buddy respectively. With each dude, I learned a lot about the male experience when it came to being closeted or open about being gay. None of these guys are the same.

Since many years have passed, my recollection of each buddy may be a little fuzzy, but I'll do the best I can.

ARE YOU READY FOR YAHOO! MESSENGER MEMOIRS?

(Image source: Pixabay)

Yahoo! Messenger Memoirs: The Porn Aficionado

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Screen Name: "The Porn Aficionado"

ASL: late 30's to early 40's / M / Unknown (Many Yahoo Vid sharing groups and porn forums)


It's no secret that I hoard porn. Although porn is used as an outlet for my repressed sexuality, in my early years, I used Yahoo! Messenger to chat with men who were more at ease with their sexuality and sexual expression. So long before I had over 3,000 porn vids stuffed on a hard drive, I had a user name and password that opened me up to Yahoo! Chat.

I remember scanning different chat rooms looking for someone to talk to about being gay, but I soon discovered that late night chat rooms bore home to people looking for more than discussion. So, I did what I had to do it fit in. I amped up sex talk full of lies, knowing damn well that the only person I've been sexually active with was myself. Soon, my curiosity gave way for me to learn more about the things that turned me on, and with the rise of different  Gay TGPs (Thumbnail Gallery Posts) - pornographic sites full of  thumbnail links which led different photo series of gay men in sex acts or solo sessions.

I would spend many nights scouring the Internet to get off to nude pictures of men in various settings and scenarios. Once I discovered actual videos of men having sex, I was hooked on porn, but it wasn't until I connected with one guy who literally taught me the ways of pirating porn, and to this day, I don't know if that was a good thing or bad thing.

I remember his screen name, but I'm choosing not to release it. Instead, I'll call him the Porn Aficionado because that what he was. He frequented many Yahoo! Groups dedicated to sharing gay porn through file sharing sites like Failshare, which was the popular choice of vid sharing at the time. He also was the main contributor to the Free Gay Cinema forum, another Gay TGP that included a forum for hardcore users and sharers alike.

Because I was impressed with the type of vids he'd share, I wanted to personally hit him up to find out more about him, and from there, we connected, although he was very hesitant at first. I think I was 17 at the time I started chatting with him; however, I lied and told him I was 18. We'd chat for an hour or so every other evening, while I began pestering him with questions involving sexuality and understanding.

The Porn Aficionado became a good friend. Every time I would have an issue or fits of confusion and anger involving men, he'd be my sounding board. We'd have deep conversations about how the world would be if everyone as accepting of homosexuality, and we'd engage in debates about love. He'd even share vids from his personal collection with me, and he also shared music - the dude loved Burt Bacharach. I told him of my first kiss and first bj. What no one else knew, he did.

As time moved on my experiences became real and not some far fetched story I'd give to random chat buddies, my conversations with him grew less and less. I remember one evening where he particularly aggressive, maybe even drunk. Tried to coerce me into exposing myself on cam, which he'd never done before. Since I chose not to, he then tried to shame me for being afraid and closeted. After that, I stopped chatting with him much, even though he apologized.

I can't say that the Porn Aficionado was a mentor, but he did serve a purpose. He was a friend when I didn't feel I had any friends to talk about these things with. He gave his advice, although it may have been shrouded in bitterness, but overall, he taught me about logic when it came to sexuality. He told me that I should never have to pay for porn, and with Xtube coming into its own, there was no point in doing so. Most people are naturally perverted and want to be exposed in some way, and with that, I took what I learned and ran with it.

Of course, I have messed up a computer or two in learning how to collect porn, but from age 17 to now, I'm basically a master, and I may have surpassed the likes of him, so in my own right, I've become a porn aficionado, but it's not much to be proud of. I honestly hope he is doing okay, but I also hope he's still not peddling as much porn as he used to.

So tell me, do you know any Porn Aficionados? If so, dish the details in the Comments Section!

(Image credit: Bluntcard.com)

Yahoo! Messenger Memoirs: The Chef

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Yahoo! Messenger Memoirs: The Chef


Screen Name: "Mr. Sugar"

ASL: Mid to late 30's / M / NC


"Mr. Sugar" was different from the other men I chatted with. He was easy to talk to, laid back, with no games, and it seemed like he enjoyed chatting with me. Our conversations were pretty light, but when we did have heavy talks, it was always about what was going on in his neck of the woods.

"Mr. Sugar" moved from his home town to live with a younger male. They were supposedly in love with each other, but once he moved in with the youngin', things sort of changed, and the love went away. Soon, it became a relationship built on convenient sex. He was once a cook, but due to back injuries he sustained, he could no longer take the pain of standing on his feet for a long  period of time.

So, he found himself in North Carolina  living with a man that didn't really love him. His only escape was spending late nights in chat rooms, camming and cumming with those willing to bust with him. We spent a lot of time talking about plans and goals we had for our individual lives. He wanted to get back to cooking, maybe owning a restaurant. I told him how I aspired to be a writer.

From him, I learned about regrets and risks. 

He took a risk moving to another town to be with a man he hardly knew, but he soon regretted it. He also shared his story about how he chose to have a full on gay threesome the night before marrying his wife. That was the most shocking thing I heard so far. Now that threesome, he did not regret. 

We've kept in touch lightly throughout the years. The last time we chatted, he lost a good bit of weight, and I think he's moved elsewhere, no longer under the roof of his young male lover. Although not as exciting as the others I've chatted with, I wanted to include him in the mix. Sometimes you just need an easy conversation.

No more, no less.

(Image credit: Kevin Dooely)

Yahoo! Messenger Memoirs: The Professor

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Yahoo! Messenger Memoirs: The Professor
This is a cropped version of a risque photo found on the Internet, and by no means represents the person discussed in the following post.

Screen Name: "Sad Dad"

ASL: Late 50's to early 60's / M / OK

Seems my memories of each Yahoo! Messenger buddy is not as strong as I thought it was. I found myself going back to my old Ymail account to see if I could recover any past conversations, but I came up empty. I guess with battling demons of depression's past, I deleted all conversations. Knowing the old me, I probably didn't want any reminders of my former self, and I guess I didn't think I'd blog about any of the dudes I've chatted up in a public matter.

I can't say that any chats I've had have been bittersweet as far as my experience, but some of the stories shared with me have been. This buddy was an older white guy, which most of these chats were with older white guys, but he was probably the oldest out of the men I had conversations with. 

He was from Oklahoma, supposedly a professor at one of the state's universities. It seemed he had a pretty decent life for a middle class, old white male - the house, the kids, etc.; however, he wasn't happy. He lost his wife a few years prior to us even connecting through Chat. Although he loved her dearly, he always had an attraction to men. That being said, he never pursued or acted on his attraction until after her death.

I can imagine that years of suppressing your homosexual desires can be defeating when you're finally able to venture into learning more about yourself. To be an older male trying to pursue sexual conquests in a youth obsessed realm can be debilitating. All he had was a cam and chat rooms to browse to get off, but I think he was looking for more than just sexual thrills. He was lonely.

Home empty, kids grown, and no companion, he tried going out to different bars and clubs, but didn't have many interested in his attempts and advances, unless he had cash to spoil their young adult needs. He liked them younger from what I could tell, but still adult. Either way, I think he took to me because I took time to listen. We chatted, we cammed, but it all felt empty and weird because I knew it wasn't helping him or myself at all. Do I regret any of it? I really don't know, but I have another story that I regret more, so this encounter seems harmless in comparison.

At the end, it was sort of my decision to stop chatting with him, and it was mostly because I wanted to venture out to talk to people face to face, relatable people. I think for me, having the adoration of an older guy was nice, but unrealistic on so many levels in this situation. I'd still chat with him, but nothing more than that. No cam, nonsexual. I removed him from my friend's list, but didn't block him because I felt bad enough ignoring the guy; however, he'd pop up in chat rooms, only to hit me up when he saw me on.

I can only hope he's found someone to love him the way he wanted and needed to be loved. I applaud him for embracing his sexuality after so many years of suppressing it due to marriage. From him, I learned what future I could possibly hold if I were to do the same thing - disregarding a part of me that was important for my development, only to make others happy. For that, I'm glad I decided to come out when I did.

(Image found readily online - please direct request to remove image to info@bamaboiblues.com)

Bare with me if you can

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Hey friends,

I would like to apologize for slowly pumping out more content. As much as I'd like to push through it, I'm having a hard time with depression. It's mostly my fault because I haven't been taking my meds consistently. Words are sometimes hard to come by when describing my depression, and often find it best not to say much about it at all, that is, in my personal life.

However, I'm trying to speak up more about it because it is a serious thing. The last thing I want to do is end up another blogger who has succumb to the idea of taking my life, and I just can't go out like that. Don't worry, I'm seeking help and getting my med regulated, but it's taking time. Depression is a bitch.

You are basically battling yourself your entire life. Anyways, the blog will resume soon, but if you can, just bare with me.

Thanks

Yahoo! Messenger Memoirs: My Fellow Capricorn

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Yahoo! Messenger Memoirs: My Fellow Capricorn

Screen Name: "Dashing Dancer"

ASL: 25/ M/ NJ

It's unlikely that you'll instantly connect with a guy you just met in a chat room that you wanked off with over the phone, only to remain on the phone after finding out you both share the same astrological sign. That is unlikely I tell you, but in my case, that's what happened. 

By now, I'm sure you know the rundown of how the connections begin. Again, it was a typical night of Internet browsing and chat room creeping due to loneliness and horniness. I posted up my need for a wank phone buddy, and after some time filtering through the chat room creepos, "Dashing Dancer" popped up on my screen looking for the same as I - to get off.

And got off I did because it was getting extremely late, and I was too tired to phone - meaning I had already handled my urges - so we didn't phone, but we did have a small convo via Yahoo! Messenger. It was the usual messenger interaction, asking of our ASLs. He was 25, black, and from New Jersey. I added him to my buddy list, advising him that the next convo would be over the phone.


Yahoo! Messenger Memoirs: My Fellow Capricorn
That night came where we both were available to do the do, and it was good, but something was different. After the climax came an awkward silence for a bit. Usually, once the orgasm was over, the phone call ended, but we stayed on. I don't know how or why it happened, but the conversation shifted from post-nut cool-down chat to general convo. Now, I can't remember the convo specifically, but I do remember him inquiring about my Zodiac sign. He told me that he loved following the Zodiac for entertainment purposes, but realized that a lot people's personalities mirror their Zodialogical traits.

Intrigued by his interest in Astrology, I told him I was a Capricorn, to which  he excitedly replied that he too was a Capricorn. He went on to tell me that he could tell from my vibe that I was a fellow Cap. As a result of our shared astrological signs, our friendship began, and our wank buddy partnership ended, LOL.

I don't know what it is about connecting with fellow Capricorns, but I love when it happens. There's always a 90% chance that our connection is instant, amicable, and awesome. Once I find out you're a Capricorn, the bond is made, and it's often difficult to break! Our Zodiac powers are so potent, that we don't even have to be in the same space to feel each other's vibe. Once we communicate in some form or fashion, we link up and support each other from then on, and that's basically what happened between "Dashing Dancer" and I.

Finally, I found a friend to talk to about anything, without feeling judged or scrutinized because he honestly understood me. We became those kind of friends that didn't have to communicate often to know we were there for one another. And guess what? We still talk and check on each other. We dish, we laugh, and enjoy each others conversation. He is the first friend that I can call a friend without ever being in his presence, and that's rare for me.

Honestly, I can say that I love the dude, and I'm happy to have him in my inner circle, even though he is miles away. One day, I do hope that we hang out in person, which I feel is very possible. If ever I'm in Jersey or he is in ATL, it will happen. I'd like to think of him as a taller, more dashing version of myself...I just wish I had his calf muscles because those gams of his are EVERYTHING! 

To this day, I am amazed at how I gained a good friend after one night on the phone, where the intent was more sexual than friendly because we both shared the same zodiac sign. Strange, isn't it? Although, stranger things have happened, but I'm saving that story for the last entry to this series.


WHO'S YOUR ASTROLOGICAL PARTNER IN CRIME?



The Fault in Our Chromosomes: Why Men are Irritating

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The Fault in Our Chromosomes: Why Men are Irritating


I was browsing around in a Facebook group I'm a part of, and one of the group mods posed the following question:


 "What irritates you about men?"

Well, my fingers were feeling quite frisky, and my mind was feeling electric, so I decided to give my response, and this is what I said:
"For me, it's kind of a loaded question, and my response wouldn't make much sense. I'll say that I often see what irritates me with [sic] men play out over social media, mostly via Twitter and Tumblr, and sometimes Facebook. It's not so much a behavior, but a lack of tact and finesse along with a lack of identity.
I also feel it's the nature that we, as men, are placed into and completely shrouded in from birth to adulthood. The very essence of being "a man" and it's multiple interpretations of that by various personalities is what makes us irritating and frustrating.
Basically, we tend to be in a forever running pissing contest to prove how manly we are, how fit we are, how better we are at all things sexual, not to mention how cunning we are.
To end my long winded spiel, what makes men most irritating is our constant need to prove ourselves to something or someone to feel validated, even when the world is quiet with no one around to goad us on.
It's just often unnecessary."
It's the fault in our chromosomes, I tell ya. Keep in mind that I made sure to include words "we" and "us" because I'm not exempt from the very thing that irritates me about being a male. Also, this is a broad across the board gripe about men, so whether you're gay, bi, straight, or asexual, it applies.

What's really irritated me as of late is how some niche groups and blogs that are supposed to be for African American SGL men go out of their way to enforce and perpetuate the irritating things I discussed in the above quote. 


Stats, how masculine you are, boastful posts about sex while degrading the person you had sex with, are all too much, and it can further ostracize males who already have a hard time finding a community to identify with. As a reader, I see it, and it's a turn off and uninspiring.

As a writer, I try my damnedest to be as inclusive as possible, while I focus on my niche market. And yeah, I guess the same can be said of those groups and blogs trying to appeal to their niche market, but why push away when you can embrace? Irritating, isn't it?


SO, FAMILY, TELL ME. WHAT IRRITATES YOU ABOUT MEN? 


(Image Credit: Flickr)

Yahoo! Messenger Memoirs: Honorable Mentions

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Before I end this series, I want to take the time to give a shout out to those buddies I didn't mention, mostly because their stories were too short or too hard to remember.

One buddy I chatted with was HIV positive. I can't say I learned much from him, except how hard it was for him to find an accepting partner. I just know he really wanted me to come to Arkansas so we could spend personal time together. Yeah. From what I can currently tell from his Facebook page, he is now in a good relationship. Glad about that.

Another buddy was another older white guy who was in a failing relationship, so all he did was masturbate on cam, while his partner chilled out in a separate room, very aware of what was going on. He was embarrassed for being so sexual one day because he wanted me to watch him get off. I told him that was his business, so no need to be embarrassed. I could've logged off at any time, but after that, I didn't hear much else from him.

Then there was "Mr. No Labels". He was a cam exhibitionist, who enjoyed satisfying his homo-curiosity by camming with me, while typing things he wish he could do. I one time asked if he considered himself bi-sexual, and he got upset because he didn't want to be labeled. I was like, "okay, Raven Symone, my bad." We never chatted again, but at least I saw him naked several times, but rarely a money shot.

If there were more, there probably wasn't much to talk about or learn from chatting with them.

All these stories span from age 18 to 22; that's 4 years of chatting, learning, and self-reflection.
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